BabyMaker, Superhero, or Both?!

July 27, 2011 Leave your thoughts

There is something crazy going on. My body is transforming by the minute – into something that can only be summarized as a physiological miracle. This is the stuff of superhero legends.

 

I’m 18 weeks pregnant. Almost halfway there. The changes that are now taking place blow my mind!

 

I have decided that we should create a new superhero. Her name is BabyMaker! She has a huge array of superpowers.

 

Increased beauty

BabyMaker dazzles people with her glow. Her cheeks are rosy, her eyes sparkle, her voluptuous bust is delightful, and her growing “bump” distracts anyone from noticing her growing rear!

 

Increased lung capacity

BabyMaker’s lungs have 40% greater capacity and take in 15-20% more oxygen than mere mortals. If it weren’t for that darn uterus pushing the diaphragm upward into the lungs (which eventually equates to a 4-5% decrease in overall lung function), BabyMaker would be setting records at the Olympics every year!

 

Increased blood volume

BabyMaker’s blood volume increases by 50% – if she were tested for blood doping, she would have a tough time explaining why her red blood cell count is so high! By the time she delivers her baby, she will have created 5 additional pounds of blood. That’s a lot of performance-enhancing juju.

 

Never gets cold

Increased blood flow solves all sorts of problems, including Raynaud’s syndrome which is characterized by lack of circulation to the fingers and toes when cold. If you want to cure Raynaud’s, just get pregnant! [I haven’t experienced a single white-fingered episode in 18 weeks!]

 

Does not sink

Excess mass in the belly area creates a new “feel for the water”. BabyMaker rides high on the surface. Just try to sink her!

 

Glorious nails

BabyMaker’s nails are on the move. She actually has to trim her nails weekly or she may have trouble doing even the most mundane of household tasks. Don’t upset her; she’ll scratch your eyes out!

 

Like all superheroes, BabyMaker has a weakness. Her “kryptonite”, if you will, is a nasty one. It’s called WIS (weakened immune system). Unlike her non-pregnant counterparts, she loses the ability to fight nasty viral and bacterial enemies. If afflicted, her body goes into “Baby Protection Mode” and directs all of her superpowers toward protecting Baby.

 

Other minor weaknesses include forgetfulness, moodiness, and a penchant to stop at a moment’s notice for snacks.

 

From what I hear, BabyMaker is most productive during the second trimester. I’ll check back in with her in a couple months for a report on trimester #3!

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